Little Kid Witnesses An Affair

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and go into the
woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a
passionate embrace. Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely
contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly...
"Mommy, mommy, I was at the playground and daddy and..."

Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story. So Little
Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into
the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a
big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy
take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an
interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want
to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny
starts his story, describing the car into the woods, the undressing, laying
down on the seat, and... "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."


The Statue

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door.

"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all
over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I
tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one
for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went
to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen
and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he
said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths
for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."


Affair On The Thirteenth Floor

Two lovers were going at it in her apartment, when there was a sharp rap on
the door.

"Oh no, it`s my husband!" loudly whispered the startled woman. "Quickly,
jump out of the window!"

"Are you crazy?" gasped the lover. "We're on the thirteenth floor!"

"Hurry up and jump," cried the woman. "This is no time to be
superstitious!"


Who Is This Man

O'Riley walked into the bedroom to find his wife rolling in the hay with
another man. "What in the name of St. Paddy is going on? Who is this man?"

His wife thought for a moment, then said, "That's a fair question."

She turned to the other man and asked, "What's your name?"



The T.V. Repairman And The Housewife

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep
his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk
his neck right out of joint looking at her.

When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a... well...
unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of
embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man --
sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now,
I'm a woman and you're a man..."

The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes, yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door..."

"Yes, yes!"

"Would you help me move the refridgerator?"


Birth Control Pills

"I've had it with my wife," said the one drinking buddy to the other. "I'm
filing for an divorce."

"Sorry to hear that pal," said his partner. "May I ask why?"

"I found her supply of birth control pills," said the first.

"Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion, I just can't see
leaving your wife for what the Church says is a sin."

"It ain't just that," stormed Frank. "I had a vasectomy over five years
ago."


Unfaithful

Never before had Linda looked in the box that her husband Micheal kept under
their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage
but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning, she decided
to take a look in the box. She didn't figure it was anything he was hiding
since she could have looked at it any other time but hadn't. In the box she
found 3 eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very strange so she went
to Micheal and asked, "Why are there 3 eggs in a box under our bed?"

He replied, "Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the
box."

Linda was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled
herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and he
had only been unfaithful 3 times.

"But where did the 10 thousand dollars come from?" she asked. "Every time I
got a dozen, I sold them."



Man Calling His Wife

A lawyer who works in Texas receives news of an out of town emergency which
requires him to fly out of the state for a short period of time. He doesn't
even have time to pack, so he calls home to tell his wife he is going. The
maid answers the phone but is hesitant to put his wife on the phone. After
quite a bit of cajoling, she admits that his wife is upstairs in bed with
the mailman!

Now the man is furious, and would rush right home, but of course there is
this emergency to take care of, so he tells the maid to go get the gun from
his desk drawer, and kill both his wife and the mailman. She protests, but
he explains that under Texas law it is legal to kill your adulterous wife
and her lover. Using his silver tongue, he finally convinces her to do it.
She puts down the phone, and the lawyer can hear the sound of two gun shots,
the screams, some loud bumps, and, finally, some splashes. The maid comes
back on the phone.

The lawyer asks, "did you kill them?"

"Yes," she replies. "What did you do with the bodies?"

"I threw them in the pool." ... pause ... "Pool? ... Say, is this 555-8234?"



An Unlucky Guy

A guy walks into a bar, slams a twenty down and tells the barman
to get him a vodka. The barman serves the drink and enquires about the
problem.

"I just found out my brother is gay," says the guy.

"Man, that's tough," replies the barman.

Two weeks later the same guy goes into the bar again, and slams another
twenty down. Then barman again enquires about the problem.

"I just found out my father is gay too!" says the guy.

"Wow, you family is messed up," says the barman.

Two weeks later, the guy walks into the bar again. Before he has a chance
to take out any money, the bartender looks at him and says: "Hey, doesn't
anyone in your family like to sleep with women!"

"Yeah," answers the guy, "My wife!"



Dying Wife

Becky was on her deathbed with her husband, Jake, maintaining a steady vigil
by her side. As he held her fragile hand, his warm tears ran silently down
his face, splashed onto her face, and roused her from her slumber.

She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Jake,"
she whispered.

"Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk."

But she was insistent. "Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have to
talk. I have something I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Jake. "It's all right.
Everything's all right, go to sleep now."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Jake. I slept with your brother, your best
friend and your father."

Jake mustered a pained smile and stroked her hand. "Hush now Becky, don't
torment yourself. I know all about it," he said. "Why do you think I
poisoned you?"


Private Grief

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."



Shoes, kinarir ko na daW? Hehehehe... ubusin ko lng yung and2 sa mga files ko... Have a good read everyone...