hey guys... check out these jokes and tell me what you think..


A Job

One day this guy went to a store to get a job. He wanted an easy but good paying job. He spoke with the manager, who replied, "Okay, but only if you promise to be nice to the people." The man agreed and got the job.

His first customer came in and asked, "How much are these?", to which the man replied "I don't know," and the customer walked out. The manager walked in and said "You're supposed to say 'Fifty Cents!'"

The next customer came in and asked, "How much are these?" "Fifty cents!" "Are they fresh?" "I don't know." The manager came back in and said, "You're supposed to say, 'Fresh, very fresh!'"
The next man who came in asked, "How much are these?" "Fifty cents!" "Are they fresh?" "Fresh, very fresh!" "Should I buy them?" "I don't know." The manager comes in and says, "You're supposed to say, 'If you want to!'"

A robber then came in and asked, "How much is in the cash register?" "Fifty cents!" "Are you getting fresh with me?" "Fresh, very fresh!" "Should I shoot you?" "If you want to!"


Flowers

A business was moving into bigger quarters and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it read "Rest in Peace." The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'



Pancakes

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"



The New Guy

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.
"What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only... Smith, Jones, Baker... That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson.
Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "



The Duck

A duck goes into a pharmacy and asks the Pharmacist if he has any corn.
The Pharmacists replies "NO! I don't have any corn!"
So the duck leaves.
The following day the duck returns to the pharmacy and it's the same pharmacist working. The duck once again asks "Do you have any corn?".
The pharmacist reply's "Say, I told you yesterday that I don't have any corn! If you come back in here and ask again I'll nail your bill to the floor.
So the duck leaves, only to return once again on the following day.
Noticing that the same pharmacist is working, the duck approaches cautiously and, before the pharmacist has a chance to say a word asks, "Do ya have any nails?".
The pharmacist, quite red in the face at seeing this pest for the third straight day, yells back "No! I don't have any nails!"
So the duck asks, "Do ya have any corn?!"


Dead Horse

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."

Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."

"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."




that's all i can give you today but many more will follow...

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