Pag may pinapatamaan ka sa wala namang pakielam sayo,
Para ka lang sumuntok sa hangin..
Wala ka na ngang tinamaan, nagmukha ka pang tanga!
__________

Pare1: Pare ano kinamatay ng una mong asawa?

Pare2: kumain ng kabute pare!

Pare1: eh ano nmn kinamatay ng pangalawa mong asawa pare?

Pare2: kumain rin ng kabute pare!

Pare1: Eh ung huli at pangatlo mong asawa pare ano nmn kinamatay nun?

Pare2: Binugbog ko pare!

Pare1: Ha? Bakit nmn anung dahilan?

PAre2: Eh pano nmn kasi, AYAW NYANG KUMAIN NG KABUTE EH!
__________
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. he decided to test it at dinner:

Dad: Son where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school (robot slaps son)

Son: Okay I went to the movies!
Dad: Which one?
Son: Harry Potter (robot slaps again!)

Son: Okay I was watching p_rn.
Dad: What? When I was your age I didn't even know what p_rn was! (robot slaps dad)
Mom: Hahahahaha! after all he is your son!(robot slaps mom)
__________
A gay prayed to GOD and asked :"Oh, lord, is homosexuality against ur design of human nature ?"

GOD: "Yes my child, I created Adam and eve ... Not Adam and Steve
__________
Imagine life without Girls.

All homes silent,

The police at rest,

Mobile companies in loss,

Gift shop in loss,

No Valentine's day,

All boys were university TOPPERS,

And more Importantly,

All Boys will go direct in HEAVEN.
__________
A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband

Lady : I lost my Husband
Inspector : What is his height..??

Lady : I never noticed
Inspector : Slim or healthy..??

Lady : Not slim can be healthy
Inspector : Color of eyes..??

Lady : Never noticed
Inspector : Color of hair..??

Lady : Changes according to season
Inspector : What was he wearing..??

Lady : suit/casuals I don’t remember exactly
Inspector : Was somebody with him ??

Lady : Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 26 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together & the lady started crying :'(

Inspector : Let’s search for the dog first .
__________
BATA: ate pag wala ka bang tenga maghi-hikaw ka?
ATE: syempre hindi.
BATA: e pag wala kang daliri mag sising-sing ka?
ATE: Hindi rin!
BATA: eh bakit nagba-BRA ka? FEEL MO LANG?
ATE: PAKYU!
__________
?~ Sinubukan kong
maging SWEET na tao
sa piling nya

kaso

DIABETiC pala sya

Ayun! naghanap ng walang LASA!
pipili na lang
mukha pang AMPALAYA.
__________
PAPUNTA NA AKO SA PUSO MO.
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Loading... █████ █████ █████ █] 99%
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ERROR!
__________
General: Marami ka pang kakaining bigas.

Pedro: Hindi ako kumakain ng bigas. Sinasaing ko muna
para maging kanin. Tsaka ko kakainin.
__________
Butas ng Ilong

Kulas: Kung matalino ka talaga, eh bakit dalawa ang butas ng ilong natin?

Pedro: Yun lang, hindi mo pa alam? Siyempre, para makahinga tayo habang nililinis natin ang isa.
__________
Sino bang mas TAMAD ?

Yung taong hindi sumusunod sa utos? o

Yung taong UTOS ng UTOS ?
__________
We are not addicted to the FacebooK.

WE only use it when we have time:
lunch time, break time, off time, no time, this time,
that time, any time, all the time.
__________

Si Juan, umuwi ng lasing.

Nadulas, nasugatan ang mukha.

tinignan sa salamin

Ginamot niya..

Kinaumagahan...

Nay: Lasing ka kagabi nu?
Juan: Hindi ah!
Nay: Hindi? Eh bakit may band-aid yung salamin?!
__________
Kung nagdududa ka sa
taong mahaL mo,

Painumin mo siya ng LACTUM
para 100% Panatag !
__________
BOY: Unggoy ka ba ??

GIRL: Hindi .. bakit ??

|
|
V

BOY: Tatanggi pa ehhh !!
___________
You see

IN english cigarettes
___________________________________ ____________
‎1♥ Single
2♥ In a Relationship
3♥ It's Complicated
4♥ Confused
5♥ Waiting
6♥ Broken Hearted
7♥ In Love
8♥ Mutual Understanding
9♥ No BF/GF Since Birth
10♥ Bitter
11♥ Assuming
12♥ Martyr
13♥ May inaagaw
14♥ Umaasa
15♥ Nagpapaasa
16♥ Kabit
17♥ Panliligaw in progress
18♥ Panliligaw no progress
19♥ Nagpapantasya
20♥ Forever Alone

ano sa inyo ? XXD