"Never give up Ian, you can never know what's in store for you if you continue to fight and hope, you don't have anything to lose now, all you have to do is to fight, fight until to your last hopes..."

Let's just say I'm one of the other guys on the block, who can do anything stupid.. (but not Don Juanism). I'm just typical so they say. They don't even see me as a person who can be so serious as I am right now. And oh, I forgot to tell you that most of the time, I like to see myself in my most stupid look.

Here's the catch, people like me fall in love deeply. Yeah, I know you'll stop reading my blog right after you read the previous statement, but I must admit that I am. And I still do... What I'm about to share to you guys might be ordinary to some, but might be too ironic to others. Here it goes. It started on the month of February, more or less three years ago. I'm still a freshman in a University from which I get kicked out because of my stupidity. You can see me playing basketball on the grounds at the peak of noon. Yeah you can call me nigger now. But it's the only thing I got from hip hop guys... I cut some classes, but I'm not that stupid. I can get 1.5 even by just attending the midterm and final exam. But I'm not that fond of getting high grades. For me, they are only numbers, from which I did'n get my self worth from.

There she is. A very delicate and fine girl. Wearing a t-shirt and a jeans with a match of blue rubber shoes. She's quite simple, but her eyes remind me of my constellation field-trip on my elementary days. The smile that never fails to make me take an extra breath. I'm in to her, just to make things simple.

And as the time goes, we slowly get into each other. We have constant communication on sms, and even accompany her on her way home. I'm a dead man in courting, but i guess i did the job right. Sooner as i expect, we bacame more than friends, and eventually end up being lovers. She's my first girlfriend for the record but for me, I just want her to be the last too.

As sophomores, we decided to take Physical therapy as our course since the slot for nursing closed. But we planned to make the most of it. I like sports, she likes to take care of others. The course somehow fits for both of us at first. We sailed with such smoothness on the 1st semester. We even have plenty of time with each other.. I can say that we really did the best out of our relationship. We conquered what elders say that puppy love can do no good for studies. She's making good grades, while I am giving my best to get good grades too. The love and dedication is there. We're commited to each other. As far as I know...

But sad to say, we only end up breaking up. We've been on for 1 year and three months, the best time of my life as I can remember. Due to our growing differences, hectic schedules at school, and endless arguments, we fall apart. I can say that it's been so hard for me to let go that up to this point, i still try to get into her somehow. I still let her feel that I'm always here, just waiting for her to realize what I realized between us. It's been around two years since we broke up, but still loving her is still one of the constant things that I do. I sense that the end is really in front of me, but still, I can't eccept it without having a good fight for the girl of my dreams. It's kinda radical, as you might see. But somehow guys, some point in time, you'll feel what I'm feeling right now. Call me stupid, call me a loser. But for me? The best thing here is I don't give up... And I know that I can love trully, which others are still trying to learn.



For those who are in my status right now, just hope for the best. Remember when you love, you don't lose anything... You just gain. Read between the lines and you'll get what I'm trying to say. =)

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