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Main Forum - Category:Poetry & Short Stories
LOVE Attack!!
posted by (Aug 30, 2009 @ 8:20PM) views: 797
to all readers:
elo! newbie po ako and its my first story. sana magustuhan niyo.and leave comments,thank you!

kung may wrong gramming or spelling..kayo na bahala! haha!

legend:
pov-point of view
**-shows an action

chapter 1: Mr.Engineer vs Ms.Lawyer

School's Bulletin Board:
what: Election of Student Council Officers
where: Conference Room
when: 11 pm


Sa conference room,makikitang may kanya-kanyang business ang lahat.Karamihan in grupo ang kwentuhan.Lahat may gustong sabihin,lahat may kanya-kanyang banat.

at the same time nangyayari ito

left side ng conference room:

ryan:..even presidents mas marami pa rin ang number ng male, kahit mga historians male pa rin.
student1:tama! tama!
jake:..boys are smarter, more athletic and rule the world.
student 2:yeah man.

back side: mga babaeng pumunta lang para magboys-haunt

girl1:ang gwapo talga nila!
girl2:I agree girl! pero syempre..
girl3:Jake is the best!!

tilian sila

right side:

ysa:..girls,more in the sense, that they don't try to be so macho,manly and they behave better at special events plus we are more cuddly.
student3: definitely!
gabby:..men control the world? but women control men.
student4: exactly! girls are way better.

..narinig nila ang hiyawan ng boys [as what I said before at the same time nangyayari ito.]

ysa: see? boys behave that way.

narinig ng mga boys.

boys: oohhh...!!

gabby: let's just accept the fact na ganyan talaga sila.

sabay tawanan

ryan: "ganyan talaga"? does that girl trying to insult us,boys?

gabby pov:buti alam niyo

jake: no ryan,naghahamon yan si ms... *sabay tayo palapit sa table ni gabby*

gabby pov:lalapit ba sya dito? sasapakin niya ko? dont you dare touch me or else..

jake:*tingin sa i.d ni gabby*

gabby pov:anong tinitignan niya!? bat ganyan siya makatingin!?

pov ni jake:so..lawyer pala siya

jake:ms.lawyer.

gabby pov:ms.lawyer!?

gabby:bakit,affected ba kayo? we're just having a quiet dicussion here tapos maghihiyawan kayo na parang kayo lang ang tao dito. that just simply show na walang manner ang mga boys.*tingin din sa i.d ni jake* right,mr.engineer?

sabay cheer ng mga girls na quiet listener lang

jake pov:ayos sa ganti ah!?angas.

jake:wow ms.lawyer! ano to battle of the sexes: girl vs boy?
gabby: kung hinahamon mo ko then I accept it.

hiyawan ang lahat

jake pov:mukhang mapapalaban ako dito ah

jake:then I'll start.evidence na nagpapatunay na boys are supeior. adam,a boy was born first here on earth. it just shows na we,boys are elite.

hiyawan nanaman ng mga boys

girl1:hooo!! boto natin si jake for president.

gabby pov:what!? elite

gabby: c'mon!now a days sino ang mas resposible? rather sino ang mas succesful?lets look at the reality at hindi lang ang nakaraang pangyayari,tapos na yun eh.

hiyawan naman ng mga girls

jake: sino ba ang naging dahilan ng pagkakaroon ng kasalanan ni adan? eve,a woman.

hiyawan naman ang mga boys at tili naman ng mga babeng walang pakialam sa topic.

gabby pov:aba! how dare you!?

gabby:so sinisisisi niyo kami sa katangahan niyo!?

hiyawan ang lahat."ahhhh..!!" lalong pinagaaway ang dalawa.

jake pov:woah! that was pretty harsh!

jake:katangahan!? what do you mean...

nang biglang dumating ang prof nila

mr.cruz: stop that class! go back to your proper places.

balik naman silang lahat.

gabby pov:hmp! *sabay irap*
jake pov:this girl is insane

mr.cruz: the table is now open for nominating the president. before that I just want to remind you,nominate the best.

gabby/jake pov:you'll see!

mr.cruz: who wants to nominate??

ayun.nagtaas ng kamay6 si...jake!

jake: I nominate my self.
girl2:boto natin sya!!
gabby pov:what!? di ako papayag!
mr.cruz:nice fighting spirit. then your nominated.another nomination?
gabby pov:what!?di to maaari! *taas ng kamay*
mr.cruz: yes?
gabby: I nominate myself.
mr.cruz:haha!(bilib talaga ko sa mga kabataan ngayon) she is nominated.
gabby pov:hmp! akala mo ah. *sabay tingin kay jake at ngiting naghahamon*

madami pang nanominate. and now,its time para ipakilala na ang sarili nila.(though di na kailngan ni gabby at jake dahil they are both popular)

papunta sa harap

jake:ladies first ms.lawyer *nilahad pa ang kamay para ituro ang daan*
gabby:dapat lang!thanks mr.engineer
jake:your welcome!

jake pov:thanks? labas sa ilong!

gabby pov:kaya mo yan gabby!

gabby:good morning! im gabriella eloriaga..
jake pov:so,gabriella pala ang name niya
gabby:im taking up law.[blah!blah!]Vote for me because i can do the best.thank you!

*clap*

boy1:i believe in her.magaling naman talaga siya.
boy2: i know,she can handle everything.she's brilliant.

jake pov:brilliant!?warfreak nga eh.hmm..taas noo siya ah.its my time to shine
jake:good morning everybody! well,im jacob hernandez..
gabby pov:
jacob..haha! di bagay!
jake:im an engineer student,civil engineer.[blah!blah!]vote for me coz' im the man!
gabby pov:yuck!

*clap* sabay eksena ng mga girls na alien.

girl3:love you jake!!
gabby pov:aish!"love you jake" eew.!
jake:ayos ba ms.eloriaga?
gabby:what do you think?

jake:gabby pov:giyera na to!!

..end of chapter 1..

open po ko sa suggestions :]
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:: comments ::
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Asarako    •reply Aug 30, 2009 @ 8:23 PM
 
: b a r b e l :  : b a r b e l : 
  Asarako    •reply    Aug-30-09@8:39PM
suggestion: sana dagdagan mo pa yung bangayan nila sa kung sno ang magaling girls or boys. Kasi feel ko magandang i-enhance pa yung 2 main character eh.

Tsaka lagyan naman ng kakampi yung girl parang api sya ah (unfair) parang char ni valentina sa darna tas magkakaruon love triangle bahala ka na heheheh
  trip143    •reply    Aug-30-09@9:10PM
haha! yep.tuloy naman ang bangayan nila sa chap 2. yun n ung real campaign : ) 
trip143    •reply Aug 30, 2009 @ 8:30 PM
 
haha! may mga errors ako.

ayun.nagtaas ng kamay6 si...jake!-wlang 6
jake: I nominate my self.-sobra s space "myself"
sensya sa "blah-blah' mga promise yun kapag nangangmpanya : )  : r a z z : 
ellainedatu13    •reply Aug 30, 2009 @ 9:06 PM
 
uhmm...another story nanaman.. na halos katulad lang nung ms. masungit meets mr. mayabang..

sana mejo orig naman to...

ung tipong kakaiba talaga walang halong panggagaya

: p e a c e : 
  trip143    •reply    Aug-30-09@9:13PM
ganun ba?
hmm..ill try para di sya magmukang mr mybang meets ms msungit.
tnks : b l u s h : 
anyD    •reply Aug 30, 2009 @ 9:48 PM
 
1. Observe proper capitalization and punctuation marks.

2. Kung maaari, gawing BOLD ang setting ng story, for example,

Left side ng conference room

nakakalito kasi yung ganitong setting na may COLON

left side ng conference room:

tapos susundan mo ng dialogues?

ryan:..even presidents mas marami pa rin ang number ng male, kahit mga historians male pa rin.

3. Dahil mukhang script ang format nito, much better kung yung pagsasalaysay mo e lalagyan mo ng ganito:

TAGAPAGSALAYSAY: Sa conference room, makikitang may kanya-kanyang business ang lahat. Karamihan in grupo ang kwentuhan. Lahat may gustong sabihin,lahat may kanya-kanyang banat.

4. Para mas kaaya-aya basahin, iwasan ang Taglish gaya ng:

in grupo
at the same time nangyayari ito

5. Yung actions naman, ikulong mo sa parethesis. Example,

(Tilian sila)

6. Nasaan ang introduction ng characters? and the setting? Insert mo muna yun para may background kami kung ano ang magiging papel nila sa story.
  anyD    •reply    Aug-30-09@9:49PM
parenthesis*
  trip143    •reply    Aug-30-09@9:51PM
wow!gling.tnks! otor k po ba d2??
  anyD    •reply    Aug-30-09@9:53PM
ahehe..

opo tagal na rin..

since 2006, dito na ako
  trip143    •reply    Aug-30-09@10:02PM
wooww! haha.naimpluwensyhn lng ako kya npadpad d2.
may story n po kaung ngwa??
  anyD    •reply    Aug-30-09@10:05PM
: w e l c o m e :  sa tcaf

hmm.. meron.. kapopost ko lang kanina.. ngaun lang uli ako nakadalaw kasi ngaun lang hindi naging busy

ito oh.. daan ka pag trip mo.. : n a u g h t y :  http://www.tristancafe.com/forum/181533
  trip143    •reply    Aug-30-09@10:19PM
hala! horror b un???
  anyD    •reply    Aug-30-09@10:25PM
horror horroran.. : r o l l : 
  trip143    •reply    Aug-31-09@2:41PM
elo!! help nmn! kelangan ko po ng play n good for 3 mins. ang main theme ng story ay "HOPE". ok po skin yung mejo funny pra d boring.kung maaari may 6 chracters : ) haha! thanks!! d kasi ako mkapost ng new entry.
perfectworld    •reply Aug 30, 2009 @ 11:33 PM
 
nice concept, girls vs. boy : c h e e r : 
keep up otor : c h e e r : 
medyo i-organize mulng ung format ng story : k i s s : 
  itsasecret    •reply    Sep-1-09@5:52PM
AGREE! : c h e e r : 
gemini_20    •reply Aug 30, 2009 @ 11:34 PM
 
gabby??
Mis qo tuloy if you're n0t the one.. : s a d : 
scho0lmate asan kn? : ? 

Ayun, mukhang nasabi na lahat ni ms. AnyD..
i'll leave it to the expert.. : ) 
Basta g0ow sag0ow lang..
There's still r0om for impr0vement naman..

Banggitin ko lang, natuwa ako dun sa ms-lawyer-mr-eng'r na tuksuhan nila..
I think it's cute : r a z z : 
reign07    •reply Aug 31, 2009 @ 4:13 AM
 
Waaaalaaa akong maswabe,..

Nxt na po.
djpogi11    •reply Aug 31, 2009 @ 8:00 AM
 
parang mr mayabang meets ms sungit. : r a z z : 
panjo    •reply Aug 31, 2009 @ 8:56 AM
 
juice ko. d q tlga alam kung para san ang paggamit ng pov.. Ambobo ko.
trip143    •reply Aug 31, 2009 @ 11:56 AM
 
hoho..ok! aja! d ako mwwaln ng pag asa! geh. ggawin ko ung susunod. God bless s lhat and tnks! specially s mga nagsuggest.
trip143    •reply Aug 31, 2009 @ 2:40 PM
 
elo!! help nmn! kelangan ko po ng play n good for 3 mins. ang main theme ng story ay "HOPE". ok po skin yung mejo funny pra d boring.kung maaari may 6 chracters : ) haha! thanks!! d kasi ako mkapost ng new entry.
trip143    •reply Aug 31, 2009 @ 2:43 PM
 
"in grupo"!?
haha!anchoge. ngaun ko lng to npanin. pasensya : g r i n : 
trip143    •reply Aug 31, 2009 @ 5:17 PM
 
ello! thank u ul8 s lhat ng mga ngbbgay ng suggestions nila... I'll really try my very best pra mpganda p ung flow nung story... un lang... haha! god bless everyone!
itsasecret    •reply Sep 1, 2009 @ 5:51 PM
 
Nice work Otor! Pero just like what Asarako said, dagdagan pa ang bangayan. : r a z z :  gamit kana din ng smileys para mas maexpress yung feelings. : l o l :  : l o l :  : l o l : 
trip143    •reply Sep 1, 2009 @ 5:56 PM
 
naku JENIKA!! haha! : l o l :  sige.salamat sa suporta!! hahaha!! feeling mo naman di ka namin makikilala! newei..salamts uli!! : ) 
lulu_08    •reply Sep 8, 2009 @ 7:45 PM
 
hello! nice concept girl.. like it!
lalaladeedah    •reply Oct 8, 2009 @ 11:39 AM
 
ngayon lang ako nakapagbasa uli dito sa tcaf. hahaha

astig ng story!

keep it up : ) 
khei_eidha    •reply Oct 15, 2009 @ 10:20 PM
 
Go girls! : r a h r a h : 

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