Whenever I feel unwanted and broken, I go here. This is my sanctuary. This was our sanctuary. I go here because I remember you. I feel you. And in that fleeting moment, I am whole again. No, not because you complete me. It's because you are a part of me. You live here. And I realized just now that in those times that I feel broken, it's because I am losing you and I go here because here is where I can find you. Here is where I can be with you even for the longest of time.

Every word you wrote about us never fails to consume me. Everytime I read through, I feel each lick of the flame on my skin, on my stomach, on my heart. You once said that I am invulnerable. Well, here she is, your girl, a weak lamb grazing in obscurity while all of the world rejoices at her frailty. While you move on and I stay, feasting on what is left of us, no matter how rotten it has become. What a sick content for a fairy tale.

Missing you takes a drastic long time to recover from. Because there are too little things to step forward on. This is what keeps me from getting bitter-- you left too many reasons for me to keep remembering. And this is what keeps me from believing in forever-- you left too many reasons why time should be enclosed in a box. In a casket where it is safe from being taken advantage of.

You wanna know how I feel right now? I want to push you off a cliff then rush to the bottom and catch you. But then again, there's no cliff. And there's no you. So.

~~~

If forever exists, like what you believe in, all I'd like to do is kiss your nose every night while you drift away to another world, to another life.

While I stay, believing in you.

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