Newest pinoy kasabihan
natuto kang maglandi......mag tiis ka sa hapdi

ang tumakbo ng matulin.....may gwapong hahabulin


wala ng hihigit pa sa malansang isda......kung di ang isang baklang balahura


aanhin moh ang gwapo kung mas malandi pa sayo.


gwapo man...napeperahan din

masikip man sa una...luluwang din yan

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++

TYPEWRITER
May mag-asawa na kapag magsesex sila, ang password nila ay TYPEWRITER.
Isang araw nagtatrabaho si lalake sa kabilang kalsada bilang welder. Napadaan ang 10-taon niyang anak.
TATAY: anak, bumalik ka sa bahay ay itanong mo kay nanay mo kung pwede gamitin ang TYPEWRITER.
Umalis ang anak ngunit di kalauna'y bumalik agad.
ANAK: di raw pwede tay kasi pula daw ang ribbon ni nay (may mens)
kinabukasan...(napadaan ulit ang anak sa welding shop kung nasaan ang tatay.)
TATAY: anak, puntahan mo ulit ang nanay mo. itanong mo ulit kung pwede na gamiting ang typewriter.
Umalis at bumalik ang anak, at katulad ng nakaraan, ganoon din ang sagot.
kinabukasan....
NANAY: (sa anak) anak, puntahan mo ang tatay mo, sabihin mo na pwede na gamitin ang typewriter!
Agad umalis ang anak patungong welding shop. Nang bumalik...
ANAK: nay, sabi ni tatay, huwag na raw. HINAND-WRITTEN na daw niya!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++

Man in a hotel lobby
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your p*nis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++

Battle of the Brainless
H : Saan tayo madalas pumupunta pag summer upang maligo?
Clue : Starts with "B" (Beach)
C : Banyo?
H : Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.
C : Sa bubong?
H : Hindi, marami kang makikita doong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
C : Sa beerhouse?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++

Ssssshhh...........
lalabas tayo ng walang ingay para masurpresa sila













utot.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++

Boy: Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay: Bat mo naman nasabi?

Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase. Ang tinuro ni ma'am yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++

The Injured Thumb

A man went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the fudge and this was too much for him.
"Goddammit," said the man, "get your damn thumb out of my food!'

"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm."

"Why don't you just shove it up your ass?" the man said angrily.

"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++

Host: What "N" (narra) is the national tree of the Philippines ?

Contestant: Niyog?

Host: Mas matigas pa diyan.

Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!

Host: Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?

Contestant: Sa back?

Host: O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (Luneta).

Contestant: Likod?

Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng modern name nito ( Rizal Park ).

Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++


Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?

Contestant: Sirena?
Host: Hindi! Hindi ito babae.

Contestant: Siyokoy?

Host: Hindi ito lalake.

Contestant: Siyoke?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++

Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?

Contestant: Lifebuoy?

Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan nito.

Contestant : Safeguard?

Host: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant : Safe Buoy?

Host: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant: Ah, Mr. Clean!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++

Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500

Peso bill? Clue, may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)

Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".

Contestant: Guy Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.

Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.

Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++

NANAY:HALA! SIGE LAYAS AT WAG KANANG BABALIK AT WAG MO NA AKONG TATAWAGIN NA NANAY! AT HINDE NARIN KITA TATAWAGING ANAK!
ANAK:SIGE DUDE ALIS N AKO!


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++

Mga tips kung walang magawa.

1.punuan m0 ng 2big ung bowl s CR.
2.pumatay ka ng isang patay.
3.pailawin m0 ung electricfan nio.
4.paliguan m0 ung bahay nio.
5.umiyak ka kunware tapos pag may lumapit syo sabay tawa.
6.batukan m0 sarili mo.
7.pakantahin ang alaga mo at pag kumanta cpain mo.