Nasa kainitan ang ba­litaktakan tungkol sa Sulpicio tragedy nang lapitan ng isang baguhang reporter ang isang madaldal na senador.
Sa pagtataka ng baguhang reporter, tiningnan lang siya ng senador at hindi ito nagsalita.
Pinilit pa rin ng repor­ter na magsalita ang mambabatas.
Malungkot na nagsa­lita ang senador, “Kapupunot lang ng hipin ko!”
***
ED: Ipapatanggal ko sana lahat ng ngipin ko.
DENTISTA: Bakit?
ED: Papapalitan ko ng ngipin ng kabayo. Ang mahal na kasi ng bigas. Damo na lang ang kaka­inin ko.
***
REVISED MEANINGS NG MEDICAL TERMS
Antibody; against everyone
Artery: the study of paintings
Chronic: neck of a crow
Coma: punctuation mark
Cortisone: area around local court
Dislocation: in this place
Enema: not a friend
Genes: blue denim
Lactose: people without toes
Lymph: walk unsteadily
Urine: opposite of “you’re out”
***
10 COMMANDMENTS OF CUPID
#1 Never flirt when you know you’re taken.
#2 Never fall in love with others… Stay in love with your partner.
#3 Never lie.
#4 Never go out without any permission.
#5 Never go out for a date with another person.
#6 Never do things that will hurt your partner.
#7 Never stay quiet. Say your feelings when you’re hurting.
#8 Never call or text a person when you know your partner would be jealous.
#9 Never kiss and hug with an opposite sex.
#10 Never say promises you can’t keep.
***
4 MIRACLES of a woman:
Getting wet without taking a shower.
Bleeding without getting hurt.
Giving milk without eating grass.
Making boneless meat hard!
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Quick & Easy SPA­NISH
Oral Sex: Orada deliciosa
Rape: Puerza de la puerta
Intercourse: Todo todo de abre lata
Rape with consent: Puerza de la puerta con gusto
Honeymoon: Preparacion don todo birada puerta la mama yiha! yiha!
***
Chikahan ng dala­wang bading…
BADING #1: Okey ba ‘yung kasama mo kagabi?
BADING #2: Naku, day! Daingsilog!!!
BADING #1: Charinggola! Ano ‘yun, masarap na parang tapsilog?
BADING #2: Kyemedora! Daingsilog… as in dadaing ka sa amoy ng singit at itlog!
***
Q&A sa Miss Gay beauty pageant…
Host: Anong prutas ang para sa ‘yo ay pinakamasustansya?
CONTESTANT: Penis po!
HOST: Penis? Bakit penis?
CONTESTANT: Kasi po, ang penis ay sagana sa Vitamins T, A, M, O and D!
***
Sa isang beauty contest…
HOST: What’s your favorite color, and why?
MISS USA: Red for courage!
MISS SPAIN: White for purity!
MISS PHILIPPINES: Blue! Uhmmn… Blue for blue job!
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PULUBI: Palimos po, sir.
DARIO: Alam mo ba na bawal ang mamalimos dito?!
PULUBI: Libangan ko lang po ‘to, sir!
DARIO: Libangan?!
PULUBI: Opo! Na­ngongolekta po ako ng coins.
***
NANAY: Anak, bakit ka umiiyak?
NENE: Hu! Hu! Hu! Kasi po, pumasa ako sa test! Hu! Hu! Hu! Hu!
NANAY: Pasado ka naman pala, dapat matuwa ka. Ano bang test ‘yon?
NENE: Pregnancy test po!